Some Thoughts of The Future

Howdy! Lately I have spent my days imagining the life that I want to share and experience with my husband and children. Much of this time has been spent imagining and wondering exactly how I want to raise my children. Now, no offense to my parents, I don’t necessarily want to raise my children quite the same. My parents did the best that they could at any given time. It’s not out of disrespect for my parents, and for the most part they did a great job. It’s just that there are some areas that I feel could use some improvement.

As a child I never really saw my parents love and affections for one another. In fact, much of what I saw and experienced from my parents involved much screaming, yelling, arguing, and belittling of one another. When my sister and I were little girls obviously the fighting was a bit more well hidden. Daddy always had a bit of a temper, though he’s cooled down some (in my opinion he could chill out some more though some things never change :-)). However, as we got older the fighting became more obvious and in all honesty it really disturbed me. Especially, since the anger and bitterness would be transferred to the individual relationships. Each interaction became tense. Often after an argument much of the interaction was void of any love or affection. As I take my future children into consideration, I realized that I don’t want my children to see only the disagreements. I want them to see and experience the love and affection that two people share. I do not wish to hide anything from my children.

I have also been considering alternative ways in which I would like to raise my children. I wish to further investigate the ideas of both natural and attachment parenting. From what I have gathered primarily from www.loveparenting.org, such a combination seems to focus primarily on respecting the child as much of an individual as you or I would another adult. A few things that I found to be particularly fascinating and that I would love to really consider giving a shot when I have my own children were

  • Full term breast feeding
  • More toys that encourage the cultivation of imagination
  • Interest led learning 
  • A possible alternative to public school
  • Compassion for my child
  • A limited amount of screen time with periodical screen free weeks.
  • Answer as many questions as possible for my child
  • Demonstrate the behaviors  that I would like my child to display.
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3 thoughts on “Some Thoughts of The Future

  1. I Am A Duncan says:

    I know how you feel of what you have gone through when you were young. The same goes for me… and even to this day, not a day goes by my parents never stop arguing. There is always something for them to argue non-stop, whether its small or big or even something nonsense… that is why even today at my age, I am not married, thinking about the future of my kids. I have their blood but a little twist. I just hope doing something about it this year would help change things.

    • hunnybunbabycakes says:

      Hey there Duncan! I can’t help but wonder if when two people argue all the time if perhaps there are not several things occurring at once. I am neither a psychotherapist nor am I spiritual councilor. However, I do believe that perhaps when two people are constantly arguing they are holding bitterness within their bodies and souls. As such it becomes incredibly difficult to sort of debunk or understand why we hold this bitterness in our bodies. Another possible reason for constant arguing is the rejection of a part of our selves. For example perhaps there is a part of us that wishes to spend some time each evening just sitting around and unwinding, what some would call surrounding to an underlying laziness, but we reject that part of ourselves saying it isn’t okay for us to want to unwind. Now, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, however, I feel that there are similar beliefs or fears that maybe an underlying reason for constant fighting. I wonder if perhaps as two people argue near constantly if underlying negative associations are formed and reconfirmed over time, and if perhaps as these associations have been built up if perhaps any love and affection that was once there is buried so deeply beneath the bitterness. Anyway, when there is constant arguing between parents I believe we send the message to our children that, “This is what marriage is. This is what an intimate relationship is. You give up everything that you desire. You must give up everything that you crave, and you are stuck constantly arguing continually building bitterness. You will become misery.” With a message like that why would anyone want to marry or even enter an intimate relationship? 🙂

      • I Am A Duncan says:

        Well, for me at the beginning, I thought that was what marriage is like. My own parents fought everyday – about money, about what my dad do or what my mom did. Sometimes, even about me and my sister. There was a point even my own sister had to listen to my mum’s rants and pain until even my sister can’t take it. I always wonder why being together and even to such extend there will be fist-fights even. There was a point, my mum wanted to leave, divorce my dad and never return. I was in my teens and cried hard asking my mum not to leave and my mum stayed… but as time goes by, the fights, the arguments and insults continue and even worst than before.

        Soon, with all their fights and arguments, they actually love one another… in their own funny way. They really hated each other so much and yet, stayed on and have been together for more than 45 years. Still, it does give me frustration and can be depressing listening to their fights and arguments. The negative aura they gave me was terrible (my sister got out of it, and she’s very happy now).

        For me, I do wish if one day… if I ever get married, I do not want to be like them. I mean, I have seen husbands and wives happy with each other, accepting each other and still together… but then, some relationships even they are happy together, they still divorce. It’s very hard to explain.

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