In my experience, which is limited to say the least, it seems to me that the conventional standard for a former partner is remarkably low. Rather, it seems many people prefer an arguably, in my opinion, to have an incredibly distant and bitter post-intimate relationship. In many ways, I feel that as individual beings, we are pressured and even encouraged to follow the easier and perhaps quicker, way of dealing with break ups and past loves. That is to say we are encouraged, or perhaps even forced to be passive aggressive resulting in a lasting bitterness in our souls, in our bodies. In my experience, we are perhaps even lead to believe that there is only one way in which we can experience a post intimate relationship.
Now, the time Tyler (affectionally known by me as Tiger) shared incredibly valuable time together. We were naive and inexperienced as we shared the experience of living in our first intimate relationship. While I believe that there was a shared experience, a mingling of our souls, a connection, I also believe our experiences were perhaps fundamentally different. Rather, I felt us drifting apart and it was like Tyler was on his own little Tyler Island. Though in hindsight while at the time the experience was very much real to me, I believe he may have truly believed we were spending time. In short, I felt incredibly disconnected from Tyler. I had developed the expectation that it was important, essential really, that our relationship was dependent on our time spent together on the weekends. That is to say that I was engaging my energy in this expectation rather than focusing and using it to create a space in which we both felt safe and free to be who we really our. I used my energy to create an obligation for him and thus kill his sense of freedom; his sense of choice.
To me, my experience with Tyler has provided me with in valuable lessons. In fact, you could say that he inspired me to begin this journey for understanding; a journey that I believe will always be in progress. In some ways the experience has lead me to question the conventions in which we are programmed to believe there is only one way in which we can deal with the pain and suffering that results from our perceptions of disconnect. Ultimately, the experience has only helped me to further my pulling in my body to continue on my journey. To further exist as openness and love.